Switching gears. Can you help?

This week I have been thinking a lot about what a blessing my Usborne business has been in my life.

When I started five or so years ago, I was relatively new to the area, and I wanted to get a mom's night out or two on my calendar and meet some other mommas. And boy have I been able to do that.

Last night I did a show with a fellow Hillsboro momma whom I met at one of the shows I did in my first year in business. Since that meeting years ago, I am happy not only to call her a regular customer but a friend. That's what I started this for, and it feels so good.

It feels nice to be invited into her home, to drink a glass of wine with her, to discuss parenting issues...oh and present some books. And without this business, I might not have met her and that would have been a shame.

At the end of August, I was introduced to another group of mommas whom I may not have meet except through this business. And on Monday I get the privilege of going to lend my support to one of them who's scheduled for surgery in a couple of weeks. Wow!

Now having said all that, I have made money in my business. But it's never really been my focus. Some people start in a direct sales business with a goal of say paying a certain bill, and I didn't do that. But I also feel like maybe I should have. Because knowing you have a car note to pay may be the motivation you need to pick up the phone and get those four shows a month scheduled.

Soooo while I really enjoy the meeting-new-mommas aspect of my business, for 2012 I am going to switch gears a bit and focus on a financial goal. *Gasp! I know, right?!*

In December 2012 I will be (gulp) 40. And I plan to celebrate in Vegas. My goal is for my Usborne business to pay for this.

How can you help? I know you were just waiting for me to ask! You can host a show for me. Invite a few friends over, so I can meet some more amazing mommas and have my life enriched. Now that's not saying that I don't love it when random orders appear on my web site (www.enjoygoodbooks.com). But sitting down with a few people, getting to know them a bit, and helping them find great books for their kids or nieces and nephews, or grandkids is really what I'm after.

Four shows a month from January to November, and I should be able to pay for the hubster to go to Vegas with me, too.

Can you help?

More gratefulness

I should probably check what I wrote on my last gratitude list before I start this. But I'm afraid that if I don't start typing now, I wont post anything at all. And that wouldn't be the end of the world, but since I have the turkey in the oven and the kids are occupied, why not post?!

Anyway, I am grateful that we have food for me to cook. Which means that I, in turn, am grateful that my husband is employed. And I will keep repeating this to myself all day since he will be missing Thanksgiving dinner because he is at said job.

I am grateful that my parents and my brother are here for a couple of days.

I am thankful for a friend and neighbor to go to the gym with, so that I can't back out of going. We even went this morning. So I will not feel guilty about trying each dessert. I will be grateful that I have desserts. And I'll be even more grateful when she invites me over for some of that flavored vodka she mentioned.

Also I am thankful that no one in my house has a serious dust allergy. Because yowzah I don't dust nearly enough, as I re-discovered when I was cleaning the guest room.

Gobble, Gobble people. Have a great Thanksgiving.

You know spin is hard when...

I've been to four whole spin classes. And you know what I'm looking forward to? A nice, easy hour-long work out on the elliptical in the morning. I'm not even concerned about hitting the gym at 6:30 a.m. I'll get an extra 30 minutes of sleep after all.

That class has just been kicking my butt. My cooter has finally stopped hurting after class at least. In class is a different story. In class I am happy for the 5-minute climb that takes us out of our seats, so that should tell you something.

At today's class I had to keep reminding myself why I was there. That it was only an hour after all. That I would be happy about the end result. That the pain wasn't as bad as the first time at least.

But let me tell you, I really am so happy that tomorrow is only the elliptical.

Conquering countertops

Every flat surface in my house looks like this. It's driving me nuts. I get it cleaned up, and it returns to this within 24 hours. Today's goal is to use my child-free time to get these surfaces cleaned up. It's a crying shame people. Have any tips for keeping counters and tables clutter free?

BD Spoilers Maybe, Maybe Not

If you read the book, I guess you really can't have spoilers for the Breaking Dawn movie. OK maybe a few. I am still processing it and just wanted to point out a few things that I really liked, because I have to focus on the positive to justify staying up half the night.

*I liked that they added speeches at the wedding reception. That wasn't in the book, but it added a dose of reality. And some of the speeches were funny.

*Go Team Charlie! I was happy whenever Billy Burke was on screen.

*Bella's wedding dress was spectacular. And that kiss was hot.

*Most of the honeymoon scenes were entertaining and well done.

*The addition of a fight sequence or two worked great.

*Bella's makeup was good. She looked wrecked.

*It ended just as it should have.

Sleep? Who needs it?!

I am one of those people. I am going to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn.

It's 9 p.m., and I am already sleepy. I'm supposed to be up and out the door at 5:45 a.m. for a 6 a.m. exercise class. I am committed to lunch with friends tomorrow plus Movie Night at the kids' school and an all-day bazaar on Saturday. (Come visit me and 70 other vendors at Liberty High School. My Secret Savings Phrase: Santa's Workshop.)

I am insane. I guess I will sleep on Sunday and be jittery from massive caffeine consumption until then.

A lot of time pricing, no time shopping

It seems like I spent the whole day today making my grocery list, cutting coupons, and pricing things in all the circulars. I mean all day. And how much shopping did I get done? Zero! We still have no food. I think we can get through breakfast in the morning but not much else.

I know I will feel so good when I see the savings at the end of my grocery receipt, but until then I wonder whether my savings will really match up to the time I spent. Fortunately I don't have to go to a bunch of stores once I finally make it to the store. And if I wasn't so tired from being up at 5:30 a.m. and going to spin class and spending what could have been my nap time cutting coupons, I'd get up and go to the store now. But really I don't think I can manage it.

But now that I've thought of it, I really should because I wont have any time to go tomorrow either. *sigh* Here I go...any minute now...

Whew I think I handled that OK

Today's after-school conversation brought to you by the letter "G" as we define the meaning of gay. And "I" for incest?!

This morning while I'm combing my 5 year old's hair, she says she's considering of having a boyfriend. And as the conversation progresses, she reveals that she's thinking of her 9 year old brother. Now while it warms my heart that she loves her brother so, I tell her that no Big Brother E can't be her boyfriend because he's her brother.

Cut to this afternoon when I'm telling said big brother this story. And he replies, "Ew no! That would be weirder than being gay." Never having had a conversation with him about homosexuality (or really any sexuality--bad momma), I ask him what gay means.

He replies by giving the example of a girl dating a girl. OK so his playground source of info has his facts straight on this at least.

This leads to a conversation with both kiddos about what gay is and the fact that it's not weird, it's different. Because I happen to believe you're either born gay or not. And how would they like someone to call them weird (or worse) because they're brown and their hair is different, which is something I worry about because we do live in Oregon, and it's not exactly diverse.

So anyway, the conversation goes on and I point out that Ellen DeGeneres, whose show I watch daily so the kids know who she is, is gay and that she's married to a woman. At which point my 5 year old starts jumping up and down and chanting she hopes she's gay because she wants to marry her best friend. At which point I point out that gay also means happy. To which Big Brother E replies to his sister, "You're gay you're gay." As in you're happy you're gay.

Somehow the conversation moves on to children when sissy speculates that she and her future wife will argue over who gets to be the mom and who gets to be the dad. I reply that neither will be the dad. And they'd probably have to adopt.

Why oh why am I still in this conversation?! Because you know what comes next. Big Brother who has seen me pregnant with his sisters is wondering why they both couldn't just have babies instead of adopting. Well because a woman doesn't just have a baby by herself; a man is involved, I reply.

And thankfully the conversation ended there before we turned into an after-school special also brought to you by the letters "S" and "P" for sex and procreation.

Whew! At least they gave me something to write about today. But I could see my 9 year old's wheels turning; it's time for the dreaded TALK. 

Girl scouting

I went to my first Girl Scout leaders meeting tonight, and I'm back to feeling a little overwhelmed. There's so much information. So much to learn. So many forms. So many rules.

I'm taking deep breaths and trying to figure out what's right for our little troop. I want this to be fun without driving me nuts. Don't know if that's possible though. My anxiety level has not dropped yet, and I've been home from the meeting for two hours.

Wonder if I'll be able to sleep. Need to draft my next parent e-mail. Think I'll take another deep breath and head to bed and figure out what needs to be done tomorrow, hopefully with a clear head.

A little bit about everything

It got late on me...

I'm stuffing my face because I somehow missed dinner. Oops. Lucky I had some turkey burgers in the freezer because the kids had free-choice dinner tonight. That's one good thing about Gbenga bowling on Sundays, no need to fix dinner.

I've been busy today playing Just Dance and Guitar Hero. Fun! I should do that more often. Come to think of it though, that's what I was doing when I should have been eating dinner.

Also today has been a great business day. My hostess just earned $210 in free books. It feels so amazing to offer up that shopping spree let me tell you. The current hostess special is good until December 12, and you can get $25 to $100 more in free books starting with a $250 show. Awesomeness! I have a few dates remaining.

I'm looking forward to a little bit of routine tomorrow after this 3-day weekend. The kids have been good, but tomorrow is my kid-free day, and I get to go have coffee with friends. I always like to do that. So hit me up peeps!

Tomorrow morning is my first spin class. A little nervous about it. Worried mainly about winding down and getting to sleep because that alarm is going to sound mighty early.

Night all.

So are ex-porn stars not allowed to read?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/45270845/ns/us_news-life/t/ex-porn-star-reading-la-students-causes-stir/from/toolbar/

I saw this article today and wondered, WTH? Are ex-porn stars turned actresses not allowed to read? Do the kids even know who she is? If the grade schoolers she read to know who she is then I'm gonna need to have a convo with their parents.

I mean really, is she a criminal? Unless she was reading to the kids from The Joy of Sex, I don't see what the problem is.

Health questing

One week ago I had lunch with my friend, and we decided to support each other in our attempt to lose 50 pounds.

I've lost weight before, usually around 20 pounds before I stop. I don't know why I stop. I'm sure there is some deep psychological issue about not feeling worthy or some warped tendency toward self-sabotage.

I've done Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and Advocare. And they all work up until the point that I lose interest, which is faster than I lose weight, unfortunately.

So this time we're focusing on one healthy habit at time. We are at the end of the first week. And this week's goal was to drink 64 ounces of water a day. Now this isn't the half your body weight in ounces of water that a couple of my friends mentioned was optimal. But 64 ounces is way, way more than I normally drink. And I must say that I only managed to get the full 64 ounces in once in the whole week. Pitiful. We were also supposed to take a multivitamin this week. Yeah...I didn't do that either. I'm going to go and get that adult gummy vitamin today though.

Today is the start of week two, and we're building on last week by continuing with our water and vitamin (or in my case still trying to get the water and vitamin down) and adding in three days of at least 30 minutes of exercise. I am hopeful that I do better at incorporating the exercise. Another friend mentioned the 6 a.m. cycling class at SHARC to me, and now we have a plan to go on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of next week. 6 a.m. is mighty early, but I'm hoping that partnering with Michelle will help. She's giving up morning snuggles with her daughter to do this with me, so I can't bail.

I have had an eventful health year and am hopeful that some healthful changes will keep me around to meet my grandkids. Plus I'm a year away from 40, and I'd like to look fine, fine, foxy fine when I celebrate. So pray for me yall that I can find and keep my motivation this time around.

My inner punk

Inside, deep inside, I'm a punk rocker chick. I'm all Mohawk and black nail polish and spikes.

Can you tell? Yeah probably not.

I'm thinking of letting a little of her out though. I'm considering dying a few of my dreads purple or blue or red. I'm having trouble deciding on a color. I'm leaning toward purple just because it's my favorite color. And if I'm dying my hair something a little outside of the box, why not go with my favorite color?

I'm a little wary to dye my hair myself though so that means I have to go find someone to do it, which puts me in a weird position in Oregon. It's not like I can just go to the salon up the street, because I don't want someone who doesn't know how to work with black hair experimenting on me.

And if you think by black hair, I'm referring to my hair color....yeah that's what I'm trying to avoid.

I could go into North Portland and find a spot, but then my experience with black salons in Portland thus far is that they really don't know what to do with natural hair.

So I'm still considering. My inner punk may stay hidden a little longer. I guess I could just paint my fingernails black and call it a day.

Domestic diva-ness in progress

I often give myself a hard time about all that did not get accomplished. Because there's always so much to do and not enough time to do it in, especially when I waste time on Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, Blogger.com as well as reading my book club books and watching my DVR'ed shows. I guess one could argue that some of that is actually momma rejuvenation time and not a waste. In fact, I make that argument to myself frequently, but I digress.

But during today's child-free time, I have actually managed to be quite productive. OK yeah I'm blogging now, but before I sat down to do this I loaded the dishwasher, put turkey in the crockpot for dinner, folded four loads of laundry and washed another two.

I am trying to stay positive about accomplishing what I could during my two-hour break. And not beat myself up over the fact that the kitchen island and two tables are stacked high with crap. I will not beat myself up over the fact that I did not make my Usborne calls while the house was quiet. I will not beat myself up over the fact that three bathrooms still need to be cleaned.

I did what I could. And it's more than I did yesterday. So now I will wake up the littlest one and head to the school to pick up the middle child, and I wont beat myself up about all that's left to do. Because really what would be the point?

Real talk

I had a very interesting discussion with a couple of my Mocha Moms(http://portlandmochamoms.yolasite.com/) friends this morning. And it has keep me thinking into the afternoon.

How often do you edit yourself?

I think everyone edits. You might not curse in front of your parents, but have no problem letting the f-bomb fly to a friend. You might have no issues discussing a political issue with one friend but avoid the issue with another friend. It's normal to edit based on the situation, I think.

What gets tricky is when you have to not only edit, but also code switch, as my friend Dawnnesha calls it. When you have to stop and translate before you speak.

Hmmm do non-native English speakers feel this way?

Anyway, in our conversation we were talking about 90s slang really. Not even the new, hot stuff that today's youth would probably have to translate for me even. And we were kinda wondering, too, if maybe it's a regional thing. Maybe my East Coast Caucasian friends wouldn't need a translation for "let's bounce." Or maybe they'd know the difference between "word?", "word."

At least my high school friend Chad knew what GP meant in context.

Makes me wonder, white friends, do you ever say something and your non-white friends just look at you in puzzlement? Maybe you need to code switch, too. I'm just saying.

Writing Exercise 1. Reimagining Cinderella

"God damned kids!" Misty yelled. "Ella get in here! Did I not ask you to clear the table and wash the dishes? How many times do I need to repeat myself?"

"Geez Momma Misty, chill out I'm coming," Ella replied as she sauntered into the room rolling her eyes.

"If you can't do your chores then you wont be able to go to the dance with your sisters," Misty said. "You're 15 now, you have to show more responsibility."

"Stepsisters," Ella spat as she grudgingly picked up the plates and watched her stepmother leave the room from the corner of her eye.

Tabitha and Jessica, the stepsisters in question, were listening to the exchange from the living room and quickly feigned innocence when their mother entered. She looked so stressed. Who could blame her really, suddenly a single mom to 15, 16, and 17 year old girls. Their stepfather died in Afghanistan not even a year ago, and everyone was still pretty grief stricken.

"Tabby and Jess," Misty said, "stop ease dropping and get in there and help your sister."

"Stepsister," they said in unison under their breath. "Why should we?" asked Tabitha a little louder. "We did our chores, and this one is hers."

"You know she's having a hard time since her father died," Misty whispered.

"And we're not?" Jessica retorted. "She's a nightmare, honestly. Why doesn't she think of someone other than herself? She's not the only one who's lost someone."

Misty and Evan had been married for five years before he was re-deployed to Afghanistan. And while the three girls had had a hard time bonding, her girls had had no trouble at all bonding with their stepfather. Everyone had taken his loss hard. Seeing their mother's eyes well up at Jess's words was too much for Tabitha to bear, and she pulled her sister into the kitchen.

"Need some help?" she asked Ella as she pulled Jessica stumbling over the threshold.

"Not from you ugly bitches," Ella replied barely sparing a glance for them.

"Why must you be like that?" said Jessica. "We're trying to be nice here. We don't have to help you, you know."

"Oh now you want to be nice, huh?" Ella said. "Isn't that a change."

"OMG Ella! Get over yourself. You're really gonna have to let the past go, or you'll just end up some bitter old lady," yelled Tabitha.

"Like your evil, bitter mother?"

"Don't you dare talk about our mom that way you spoiled little brat," Tabitha exclaimed. "We're so done with you. Do your own damn chores. Come on Jessica, let's go get ready for the dance."

Ella watched them go, then slowly turned back to the dishes. She didn't know why she behaved that way. They were only offering to help. But something about those girls just got her panties in a twist. After four years of excluding her and making her feel unwelcome, where did they get off being nice now. Just because she'd lost her dad, where did they get off trying to ruin a perfectly good hate-filled relationship.

"Hmmm maybe I am a little bit twisted," she mumbled to herself.

News flash -- I did something on do-nothing day

I jealously guard my Sundays. I always feel guilty about being too lazy to get it together and go to church. So I figure if I can't do that, then I wont do anything. That means that Sundays are my kids' least favorite day of the week because they are forced to do nothing, too.

But today we broke from tradition. No I still didn't make it to church. But I did go shopping alone (bliss), and the middle child got to go to a birthday party (fun). And the boy and the littlest girl, well they got to do nothing. Poor kiddos.

Maybe my break from tradition was oddly energizing, because I was oddly domestic today. OK not that domestic but I did load, unload, and reload the dishwasher and put our Halloween decorations away. Take what you can get household!

My grand plans for folding laundry weren't realized, but I did make homemade chicken noodle soup for dinner--too bad the noddles were too mushy.

Oh well you win some you lose some. You take one step forward and two steps back. You...sorry can't think of another cliche.

Intimidated by a blank page

I've been sitting here for the longest time staring at the empty text box. No idea what to write but not willing to give up my foray into blogging on day 5. So I just stopped staring and started typing.

And that made me wonder at how often I am intimidated by the blank page. How often I let that intimidation stop me.

As a former editor, you would think I'd realize the power of revision. And I do intellectually. But that doesn't stop the latent writer in me from wanting to say something brilliant or noteworthy out of the gate. That's not the case though, obviously.

Perhaps I'll take a look at the writing notebook I started a few months ago and just pick one of those ideas and start writing. Write anything and don't worry about whether it's good or whether anyone else would read it or like it. That's an idea, right? Just dedicate an hour a day to letting something flow without worrying about if it's any good or whether my friends will want to take 5 minutes out of their day to read it.

Now where to find that dedicated hour...I fear my Facebook time may have to be cut.

As an aside, I wonder what else intimidation is stopping me from doing? I'm gonna have to think on that.

Gratitude

Lots of my friends are doing daily gratitude posts on Facebook this month. Because I need something to write about today, here's a partial gratitude list at one time, in one place, in no particular order.

1. I am thankful for health insurance. I have been to the doctor so much this year; I don't know what we would have done without it.

2. I am thankful my husband has a job so many people don't.

3. I am thankful I haven't found a job. Every time I look for a full-time gig, I never find anything suitable and really that's fine.

4. I am thankful my son is such a good big brother. His sisters adore him, and he makes my life so much easier.

5. I am thankful that my kids all generally get along. No more than the normal amount of yelling and fighting.

6. I am thankful that we're able to own a home and we're not upside down in it. That American dream seems to be dying on the vine.

7. I am thankful that I live in America. Despite how my ancestors got here, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else -- unless [fill in the blank] wins the next election. :-)

8. I am thankful for my husband who doesn't make a huge fuss about my lack of cleaning most days because really it's not my thing.

9. I am thankful for girl time and love, love, love that my husband has no issues stepping up to take care of the kids to give me some freedom.

10. I am thankful that my parents moved from Pennsylvania to California. I love having them closer.

11. I am thankful for my friends and neighbors. It feels good to know there are people I can call on and to know they'll answer.

12. I am thankful for my Usborne business. I stumbled upon a business I believe in, and I've meet some really cool people along the way.

13. I am thankful my parents are coming for Thanksgiving. It gives me something to look forward to.

14. I am thankful I have a childcare provider I totally trust. It's nice to have a little break, and I don't have to worry about the bambino.

OK that's not all I'm thankful for. But I have to stop typing now and pick up the bambino from the aforementioned childcare provider.

What a busy day looks like for me

Today was one of those days that all stay-at-home moms know about. It was a day when I was actually never at home, a day that makes you question the label stay-at-home mom.

I can say, at least, my morning was relaxing. The girls and I have a kind of routine going. After my 4th grader is up, fed, and out the door by 7:30 a.m., the girls normally wake up, have a leisurely breakfast, and watch their daily TV (the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Jake and the Neverland Pirates being favorites).

Then we move onto whatever's on the schedule usually by 9:30 a.m. or so provided that no one has slept in. Most days there is nothing on the schedule, which for some moms might mean time for chores. For me that usually means a couple more shows for the girls while I play on Facebook or Twitter or sneak a nap on the couch.

Today though a soccer class for my kindergartner was on the agenda. It was an especially relaxing class for me today since the toddler was at daycare. It's been challenging to keep her contained at the classes. Then it was on to the school for a few PTA duties before dropping the kindergartner off in her classroom.

After drop-off, I could so see other moms doing the grocery shopping or heading home to clean something. But me? I was lucky enough to meet a friend for lunch. I definitely need more of that in my schedule! All too soon though it was time to prep for our first Daisy Troop meeting and head to pick up my Daisy Scout from school.

A Daisy Scout meeting and a daycare pick-up later, I am finally home making dinner and making time to complete my daily blog, though I can't say it's a very interesting or thought-provoking post. But it does mean that I didn't blow it off, and I can avoid loading the dishwasher before we dash off to Big Brother E's basketball clinic.

Until tomorrow...

In honor of the life before

I used to be this creative type. Filled with teen and young adult angst, I would write poetry and songs and dream of starting my own magazine. I had a plan even -- majoring in journalism, minoring in business, writing my business plan as a project for my entrepreneurship class.

I often wonder what happened to me. Life happened I know. But really, that much life?

I have been on a quest recently after 13 years of marriage and three children to rediscover myself, to find that young lady who was fun-loving, creative, and full of passion. Perhaps you've seen a shadow of her somewhere?

I re-read my favorite books often (the Twilight saga [don't judge me! lol] and the Harry Potter series) and wonder at the creativity, the worlds and characters created. I mean you think you know everything about vampire lore and then here comes a sparkly one. You think you have seen the battle between good and evil imagined every way and then there's The Boy Who Lived.

I can't say it's ever been a goal of mine to write the great American novel, but I want my creativity back. I want to think of things in new and different ways. I want to feel like more than a cliche -- the stay-at-home wife and mom who carts kids around in the family mini van and struggles with the last 10 pounds of baby weight (OK 30, 10 for each kid). I want to bring back a bit of that young lady from the life before.

In tribute to her, here's a poem I wrote back then. One of the few I'm not embarrassed to share. I never said I was any good.

Crescent Moon

A cool somber wind
passes through the curtains
drifting
lazily a part
the silk shimmers
as the moonlight hits it

A crescent moon in the sky
billions of miles away
winking
at me under hooded eye

I lay in bed
wishing
looking at the stars

The crescent moon
smiles white light on me
I smell violets on the wind
purple
the green of the stem

I lay in bed
wishing

Yeah, Why Not?

I'm always looking for a good excuse to not cook or clean or make my business phone calls. So when I read my friend's Tweet about NaBloPoMo I thought, "Yeah, Why Not?" (Read my friend's NaBloPoMo Blog.)

I haven't blogged in at least 5 years. I haven't written an article or a poem or anything outside of status updates on Facebook, Tweets, and e-mails in years.

So here's my excuse to procrastinate and write again. Yay a two-fer!

I thought about themes -- what I'd like to write about. You know whether I wanted to practice my creative writing or whether I wanted another forum to promote my book biz (you can check out my Web site BTW) or whether I wanted a tell-all blog about being a stay-at-home mom, small business owner (BORING!). And then I figured I'd have a hard enough time coming up with something to write everyday that's longer than 144 characters that I'd better keep it broad.

So you'll get whatever it is I can come up with, which I'm sure will be A Little Something About Something. Get it? I'm so clever! HA!